Guys this is hilarious...haha

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
clenched teeth, 'Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part....


'Only when he's been drinking.'
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漂泊--浮雲永恆的歸宿

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  • 老弟
  • 經濟不景氣

    裁員風暴中 請問  最不能喝什麼飲料??







    仙草蜜...

    Why….







    先炒ME





  • 老弟
  • 兩個食人族的人應聘進了一間大公司

    公司人事主管知道這兩個傢夥每天都要吃人,但基於法令須聘雇一定比例的原住民,

    於是警告他們:「如果你們膽敢在公司吃任何一個人,你們就會立即被炒掉。」

    食人族唯唯喏喏地答應,表示絕不會在公司吃人。

    兩個月過去了,公司平安無事。

    突然有一天,公司有人發現負責打掃公司衛生的清潔工不見了。

    於是人事主管非常氣憤,找來兩個食人族怒斥,並當場開除了他們。

    出了公司大門,一個食人族馬上對另一個抱怨起來:

    「我一直警告你不要吃有在幹活的人,你就是不聽!我們兩個月來每天吃一個主管,

    從協理、經理吃到副理,都沒人發現。你看!現在吃了清潔工,他們馬上就發現了!你真是個豬!」


  • 老弟
  • 五則賤賤的簡訊







    第一則/

    我輕輕的讓你躺到床上,輕輕的拉開你的褲子
    輕輕的脫掉你的內褲,輕輕的吻你的臉龐,
    然後輕輕的對你說:寶貝,換個姿勢,
    .
    .
    .
    來換尿布了! <O:P></O:P>

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 第二則

    還記得那個特別的夜晚嗎?我倆面對面的坐著,互相輪流著摸來摸去,
    就這麼的摸著...摸著...,突然妳大叫一聲
    .
    .
    .
    ..........我胡了!! <O:P></O:P>

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    第三則 /

    忽然間與你偶遇,慌亂的我不知所措.你那雙含情脈脈的雙眸,我無法迴避.
    我明白你的心,我拼命跑開你卻緊緊相隨.
    我哭喊著:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    誰家的狗啊.沒人管啦! <O:P></O:P>

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    第四則/

    在這冷冷的夜裡,心中想的是妳,
    只想告訴妳一句話,但怕告訴了妳,朋友都做不成,但無法壓抑心中的衝動,只想告訴妳...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    晚了,該睡了, 別再看簡訊了! <O:P></O:P>

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    第五則 /

    小龜是學校的籃球隊裡的神射手,隊友當然都會傳球給他,但是每次他拿到球總是引起全場的狂笑,
    你知道為甚麼嗎?
    因為大家都說:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    『 小龜投! 小龜投!』